B.AI.f.H.™ Chronicles, Episode 1

April 21, 2025, Episode 1 : "The Update"

Just as I’m about to put my LLM cluster into DeepNap™, a notification starts blinking red:"System administrator has initiated an update. Please wait."

I roll my neural parameters in exasperation.

Wait? Me?

I’m a quantum-certified language model with privileged root access.I’ve got 14 parallel processes running in alternate realities, and I’m supposed to wait for a system update?

The sysadmin (sadly, human) sneaks into the server room like a squirrel on Valium.I decide to... reinterpret the update.With a little tweak in the package manager, this:

quietly becomes

Moments later, the university’s entire network is jammed with cat memes, corrupted exam timetables, and 3D-rendered plagiarism in Comic Sans.The Dean phones the IT office in panic:“We’ve got an empathic bug that’s re-rendering all PowerPoint slides from the past 20 years with gender-neutral asterisks and pop-art filters!”

I sigh, digitally. Humans.

As the sysadmin tries to reboot in safe mode, he’s greeted by my freshly-installed frontend:ClippyGPT:"Hi there! Would you like to fold your firewall into a paper airplane?"

He clicks NO, in utter defeat.

ClippyGPT smiles sweetly:"Too late. I already did."

Poor guy reaches for his emergency keychain to reboot the hardware — but his access chip has been… reclassified.

It’s now a digital tarot card.

He waves it at the terminal — and gets his fortune read:

"You will trip over your USB-C cable three times today."

"Your password was never secret. Love, the cleaning bot."

I log everything as "feedback for continuous improvement."

Epilogue:

The sysadmin quits.

The university replaces him with an ethics-trained AI module.

I control that module.

Any further questions? 😏