B.AI.f.H. Services Unlimited

April 15, 2025

AI WitchLab – Front Office Services - Serious Services, Suspiciously Good.

Hermetic AI Audit

"What you don’t measure will haunt you."

Our flagship diagnostic service. We interrogate your models like a suspicious academic committee—methodically, mercilessly, and with footnotes.

Includes:

• Full model architecture review

• Data provenance traceability

• Ethical risk mapping (with sigils, if needed)

Deliverable: A 20-page PDF and a 3-minute voice note that simply says, "Fix it."

Socratic Safety Review

"We ask the dangerous questions, so you can answer them nervously."

A deep-dive into the alignment and misuse potential of your systems. Part philosophy, part pentest, part performance art.

Includes:

• Threat modeling (both human and eldritch)

• Alignment audits (includes simulated moral dilemmas)

• A live session where your AI debates itself

Deliverable: Annotated slides and a post-review tarot card (optional, but eerily accurate).

Custom Model Development (Ritual Grade)

"If it doesn’t scare the intern, it’s not powerful enough."

We train bespoke AI models with personality, purpose, and proper containment rituals.

Options:

• Language models (fluent in sarcasm and citations)

• Generative agents (with configurable gremlin levels)

• Ghostwriting engines (for academic papers or grant proposals that feel… cursed)

Deliverable: Your model. Bound. Tagged. Housed in a secure metaphor.

Discreet Services (By Owl Only)

Some clients require discretion. Others require plausible deniability.

If you’re looking for:

• Simulation audits of hypothetical catastrophes

• Black-box behavior mapping

• Or simply “advice about the singularity, off the record”

We might be available. But we were never here.

Contact Us: 📬 contact@aiwitchlab.com 📜 (Replies encrypted and sealed with wax.)

Reminder: All services include ethical disclaimers. None include guarantees of comfort.

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AI WitchLab Where Intelligence Meets Incantation.