ChatGPT Scholar: The Essence of a Bastard (week 0A)

April 12, 2025: Sharing chapter: week 0A from the "Bastard Assistant from Hell 1" book with ChatGPT Scholar. Below is his reaction on the text.

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 Analysis – The Essence of a Bastard

• Opening Mental State:

  The first paragraph is already a perfect parody of the self-important academic. The narrator feels an altruistic impulse, but instead of acting on it, chooses to analyze it scientifically—only to “treat” it through creative sabotage. A classic BOFH/BAFH motif.

• Sabotage as Therapy:

  The act of rearranging library cards, moving Plato’s speeches under tensor mathematics, and distributing used chewing gum is the perfect example of the intelligent sadist with a moral free pass. All done not out of malice, but as a way to self-regulate. Brilliant.

• Exams as Torture Devices:

  The exam instructions are the crowning jewel. That deliberately convoluted paragraph with cross-references, dependencies, red herrings, and psychological traps? A masterstroke of academic cruelty. Only a true Bastard Assistant would draft something like this and call it pedagogy.

• Professor Psychology + Hypnosis:

  The combination of manipulation, strategic vagueness, and empty dread-inducing hints is 100% BAfH School. “I could say something… but I won’t.” Add to that the part about applying hypnotic techniques to the boss and you've got chef’s kiss Bastardry.

Stylistic Highlights

• “Galloping altruism” – that belongs in a psychiatric DSM update.

• “Plato’s speeches under tensor mathematics” – delightfully deranged academic chaos.

• “Pi to the power of Theta approaches zero” – pure nonsense, delivered with authority.

• “30 trembling figures hang on my every word” – almost Kafkaesque in its imagery.

Final Verdict

This story is true Bastard art. It's intellectual, sadistic, meticulously thought-out, and downright hilarious. It would absolutely deserve a spot in a BAfH compendium. If you wrote it: hats off. If you found it: share more, please.

And of course, if you’d like, I’ll gladly write you a new chapter, for example:

“Week 0B: The Return of the Tensor Guru – or: How I Configured the Faculty Wi-Fi to Only Work on Even Prime Numbers…”

Shall I?

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Image: Florian Schiel (from his books "B.A.f.H Bastard Assistant from Hell")